Would-be Wayfarer

"Man should stop fighting among themselves and should start fighting insects." Luther Burbank I am on vacation in the Midwest and had the great pleasure of having dinner with a couple of my cousins at an excellent little Mexican restaurant where the guacamole was prepared fresh at the table and the mango margaritas were served in what appeared to be soup bowls growing on large glass stalks. My cousins are thoroughly modern women in that they are lovely and accomplished, but the unfortunate side effect of being talented and dedicated in the workplace is that one is at times cajoled and at other times railroaded into the position of supervising other people. Though not professionally trained as storytellers, they are more than adequate in the role, and I found myself transfixed by my cousin Diane's account of being awakened at three in the morning to learn that two women had come to blows at her workplace. As my cousin is not a producer for Jerry Springer, this was a rather...

"What is youth, except a man or woman before it is fit to be seen?" The flower pictured grows in the jungle. If no photographer had ever taken its picture, it would still have lived the same way. I think we can learn a good deal from things that take no notice of admiration or criticism. Remember to dance like no one is watching and to write for yourself first. After all, if someone says something unkind about your story, you can always push them down the stairs in your next novel. As my friend Sandy said when I reflected on this form of literary revenge: "Oh, the power." And if you are not a writer, remember that on most days you'd have to count yourself lucky on that account and, literary or not, there are always mimosas. :)

"The only man who can fool all the women all the time is a fashion designer." When I began life in the Midwest, I received new things three times per year: on my birthday, at Christmas, and at the start of the school year. Compared to the materialistic wonders bestowed on the middle-class children of the current day, my childhood is nearly a Dickens novel. Except for the fact that I was well-loved and well-fed and didn't have to work in a factory 15 hours per day...yes, straight from Dickens. Anyway, there was genius in my parents' strategy that I doubt they were aware of. (I think their early frugal days were based in praticality. They were young and starting off, and they knew stories of people who had risen above or fallen onto hard times.) My version of hard times was not getting the newest Barbie townhouse, and the biproduct of not immediately getting the desires of my heart was that it made me dream, stoking my imagination. As a young teenager, I bought Vogue ...

"A two-year-old is like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it." Jerry Seinfeld Life can be busy and a bit chaotic at times, which is how one night as my friend was coming out of the shower she happened to run into her little boy who had strolled in, uninvited and unannounced, as little people of both genders will do. Seeing her naked, he gasped and exclaimed: "Mommy, where is your penis?" To which, she sagely replied, "Mommy's a girl, and girls don't have penises." He looked perplexed for a moment and then with the quick curiosity of childhood asked: "Do you have a butt?"

Ever see a bumper sticker or t-shirt that makes you smile? Here are a couple that did that for me: I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could. Frodo failed. Bush has the ring. Save a horse. Ride a cowboy. I cook with wine. Sometimes I put it in food. To hell with the devil.

"The miracle of the seed and the soil is not available by affirmation; it is only available by labor." Jim Rohn In middle June, I was offered a contract for Would-be Witch, a humorous urban fantasy. (That is to say that I consider it humorous. In a year, you may decide for yourself.) I have no supernatural abilities myself (and Hogwarts, so far as I know, is by invitation only) and yet after the news of impending publication, I am fairly certain I levitated through life for two months. The main character in the book Tammy Jo Trask is sort of Stephanie Plum meets Daisy Duke, plucky and Southern and up for adventures that would raise the hackles on a werewolf. I personally try to avoid adventures that are of the nature described in the book, but that doesn't mean they weren't extremely fun to write. Before there was a would-be witch named Tamara Josephine, there were other characters. Many other characters in fact, including one (named Ryan) of an extremely comple...

"In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular." Kathleen Norris I went to something called an exit interview today. I checked some boxes to describe my experiences, positive and negative, at the full-time job I was leaving. I looked for a check box that said: I am leaving because I am insane. There wasn't a box. I guess not many people admit to insanity on that sort of form. Other forms yes. I had a year-and-a-half old bottle of champagne from a party I threw. I don't usually serve champagne and didn't on that night either, but one likes to be prepared in case a celebration breaks out at a party. I mixed the champagne with some orange juice fortified with calcium and antioxidants. Right, thereby converting it into health food. I ate organic strawberries and toasted a new life...one in which I suspect a perfectly lovely hobby, writing, will turn into a perfectly wretched way of making a living. Despite this concern, I am inordinately cheerful. This...